It’s the end of another year, and as always it has me in a reflective mood. 2021 was a year that changed a lot for me, both in my outward circumstances and my inward life. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how different I am now than the girl I was then, although I don’t look that different (minus the fact that I now have bangs hehe). I’ve been thinking about how much I had to overcome to get here, and feeling grateful that as human beings we have so many chances and opportunities to change, to grow and evolve. Because the girl you see in that picture was more lost than she’s ever been. She was full of grief and bitterness, anger and heartbreak. She was questioning the fundamental beliefs that guided her course through life. But she was surviving, taking each day one step at a time, and determined to stick to the course of doing what she knew was right, and truly, at the end of the day, I couldn’t be the girl I am today without her being the girl she was then. So here is my letter to her.
Dear Olivia of a year ago,
I want to tell you how proud I am of you. I know that life is scary right now, that you’re feeling terrified and unsure about your entire reality. I know that this next year you are about to embark on will be a hard one for you, and there will be moments of darkness, where uncertainty and loneliness will leave you feeling weak. But I’m here to tell you that you are not weak. You are incredibly strong. You will accomplish so much in the next twelve months, grow to completely new heights. You are going to be okay. You are going to come back to yourself, remember who you are, and reconnect to what you believe. You are going to find so much joy and contentment in your life. Your life isn’t ruined, and neither are you. There is so much goodness inside of you, so much creativity, and so many ideas that are blessing the world even now. So keep your chin up and smile through the tears, because I promise you it will get so much better. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for being sad, and by anyone I mean yourself. Your emotions and your heartbreak are valid. You were hurt so deeply, and you lashed out and inflicted hurt in return, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to feel your grief, on every level. There will be amazing days where you feel so much better, and days where you feel you’ve fallen back into a pit of despair. Don’t let those days get you down. They are part of your healing, and each experience will help you grow. I hope you choose not to listen to the voices that tell you you aren’t strong. I hope you learn to celebrate every small victory, because each one brings you closer to where you want to be.
With all my love,
Present Olivia
To my present self, here in this very moment as I sit on my couch typing away, I am so proud of the peace you’ve found and the love you’ve cultivated. I’m proud of the way that you have refused to silence your creativity, and have continued to put beauty out into the world despite the difficulty of being seen. I’m proud of each word you’ve written. You’ve always healed yourself with words, and each one you write changes you. I’m so proud that you pushed through the pain and created your first book, my manifestation of refusing to be silenced, of expressing what is in my heart, and putting trust in my own ideas, that they deserve to be brought to fruition. And they do.
Sometimes we have to remember who we were in order to appreciate who we are, and as this beautiful and broken year comes to a close, it’s a good time to think about that. So what would you say to your past self if you could? And what is the most important thing you’ve learned this year? I’d love to hear your thoughts my beautiful friends.
xoxo,
Olivia
My Pocketful of Poetry 