This isn’t the post I had planned for today. My heart has been extremely heavy as I fell down a rabbit hole of pain and problems this morning, finally culminating in tears at the feeling of helplessness that overwhelmed me. As a white girl in Utah, I have this crushing sense of powerlessness to do anything that can really help defeat the ugliness that is racism. I’ve been reading posts about how having conversations and speaking out is the best way to help, and yet I feel this feeling of futility described by so many others. What can my words really do? How much can my own inadequate ramblings really help to change things?
2020 so far has been a year of horrible growing pains, with so much ugliness coming out that was hiding in the woodworks. But I’m reminding myself to be willing to find hope in the ‘growing’ part. To look forward to the future with an optimism that these hard and painful years are the precursor to a much better future, a world where we’ve evolved into more kindness, more humanity, more love and more equality.
Over the past several months, I’ve become even more aware of the pain of the world. I’ve felt it pulsing through my veins, it’s agonized screams echoing in my ears. I’ve seen injustices that have made my blood boil, watched ignorance play a role in isolating and silencing minorities. But I’ve also developed an understanding that my generation is a generation that promotes equality and inclusiveness and that there is NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. I am proud to be part of a generation that is embracing love and not running away from their empathy, even when it’s uncomfortable. I’m proud to share a world with so many who are not content with the way things are, but are determined to hold the human race accountable to a higher standard. I am so proud of those who are standing up and speaking out against hate, injustice and violence. I take strength from our evolved understanding of racism and white privilege, and the education that has been coming out surrounding these hard and painful topics, so that we can better understand how to support our black brothers and sisters in this fight. I am grateful for the sense of connectedness that I’ve felt with so many people who I don’t even know as we’ve all come together to use our voices, to project the message loud and clear that this is not right, and we will not stand for it.
I’m sending so much love and clarity to anyone who might be reading this. I feel such a deep sense of connection to all of humanity today. I feel like we are all in this together, our souls are all nailed to the same cross, and we are all suffering today for the pain of one family, one community, one human race.