I haven’t posted on my blog the past two weeks. This is partially due to the fact that I was bedridden with a migraine last Sunday, but mostly has to do with the somewhat of a creative and mental crossroads I’ve been at recently. The past several weeks, my mind has been constantly busy with radical thoughts about the fundamentals of everything I believe in. I’ve been doing some intense soul searching to try and figure out a lot of things that are very important to me, and sort out my beliefs.
This has led me to feel confused about a lot of things, among which are things that I’ve been confused about for a long time, like what my life purpose is and what bigger life goals I want to be striving towards right now, but also about things regarding my religious beliefs. Religion has been a core part of who I am since I came into existence, a foundation that I’ve always held onto when everything else seemed to be shaking, and over the last several years of my life, one of the biggest inner conflicts that I’ve ever had to struggle with. I love God with all of my heart, and at the beginning of this year I made a resolution to reconnect with and deeper develop my relationship with Him. This past week, I really took that goal seriously and I made some changes and goals in my life to help get me back on that path. The results have been promising, and I’m hoping that I can get some answers to my questions soon.
But why am I telling you all of this? Because all of this soul searching and shifting of priorities has been really affecting my creativity. I almost feel like I don’t know what direction to take my writing or my blog anymore, just as I feel like I’m not sure on the life path I want to follow anymore. I’m somewhat stuck in limbo, waiting to receive some divine inspiration to tell me what I need to make, or what project or endeavor I need to start next. It’s not an entirely bad thing, I feel like I’m learning a lot of lessons along the way about how to enjoy the journey and follow through on goals I’ve set for myself, but I also feel so ready to move on to the next chapter, and I find myself feeling impatient being stuck here in the same old place. I want to finish school, and move and start my next big project (whatever it is). Really, it’s the same old stuff I feel like I’ve been dealing with forever now, and part of me wants to just take action on something, but the other part of me is paralyzed in fear either that I’ll make a wrong decision, or that I’ll have to make a decision that will threaten the very foundations of my life. So yeah. That’s an update of where I’m at right now. I’ll be doing another post hopefully in the next few days for my February reads and month update, so stay tuned for that!