Where I’m At

It’s important to view life as a cycle. The moon goes through cycles, the same four seasons reoccur every year, and nature has millions of patterns of varying sizes going on at all times to keep things in balance. In the same way that the world goes through it’s cycles, so do we in our individual lives. There are times when we feel on top of the world, capable and ready to take on challenges, when we have passion and excitement for the things we love and the drive to pursue them. And then there are times when life sucks us completely dry of everything we once had inside of us. Motivation, passion and energy become like currency in a declining economy; hard to come by and of much less value, if not worthless when we do manage to find them.

At times like these, it’s easy to ask ourselves why anything matters. Sometimes it’s as a result of something happening in our lives, from tragedy to sudden change, a large adjustment can throw our motivation off balance for much longer than we would like it to. Outside factors in life are often outside of our control, and the storms just have to be ridden out the best we can. Other times it’s our own minds that do the attacking, and it’s hard not to feel a sense of betrayal at the deadness of our hearts and souls as our minds struggle to remind our emotions of why anything is important.

For me, it’s been a combination of both. 2020 has been a sucky year, we all know it, and so many things that have happened have turned my life upside down. I feel like earlier this year and last year I was in a somewhat motivated place when it came to at least consistently producing content, but lately I’ve been in this deep pit of….nothing. The best way I can describe it is nothing, because it feels like the absence of anything. But it isn’t like it’s the first time I’ve felt this way, and it probably won’t be the last. Some of us have more to contend with in the field of mental obstacles and illogical emotions or lack thereof than others, and that’s okay too.

But the important thing to remember is that it’s all part of a cycle. The lower we fall, the higher we must eventually rise, as long as we keep trying. And as long as I haven’t given up, and am still striving for something better, I have to believe that things will eventually improve. Spring comes after winter, and a new year is just around the corner. 2020 may have left me feeling a little jaded, but not so much that I don’t have any hope in new beginnings. And today I just wanted to post something, to remind the world that I’m still here. I’m still breathing, still dreaming, still writing. I’m still trying. Even though most days “trying” consists of opening up my Light My Sky Google Doc and scrolling through it aimlessly for a while, or opening up a blank one and struggling for about two hours to write two paragraphs. I’m trying. Right?

Anyway, if you’re still here, thank you. For reading my words, even if you’ve never commented or made your presence known here in any way, I appreciate you and your soul and the connection that these virtual words have forged between us. Thank you. And if you are going through your own dark time, struggling through your own motivational dry spell, just know that you are not alone, and everything will get better as we go through our own personal cycle.